... I think of this world as a story starring me. As egotistic as this may sound, what I mean is, whatever happens in the rest of the world, everything happens in my point of view. I can never be sure anyone else is able to feel the world like I do either, for all I know you can all be puppets, or renderings that disappear whenever I don't see you.

Alright, now to the point.

Ever notice that in stories, there are always a hero and a villain? And how that applies in real life too?

I mean come on, a time when we are all benevolent and free is eons from now, and though there is always room for grey areas, if they are just slightly evil or slightly good, they are still tagged: villain or hero (of course this varies person to person, but two tags nonetheless.)

What's my tag?

A villain should be the antagonist right?
It could be the powerful sorcerer bent on creating an army of the undead, a dictator trying to take over the world, or simply one tattle-tale little brother who keeps on telling mom who broke the vase again. Villains are people you hate, regardless of the level of hatred.

Now the hero, the hero is the lovable (or at least bearable) protagonist right?
It could be the sword-swinging knight, the gun-slinging vigilante, or an uncle who secretly replaces the vase you broke before mom comes home. You like them, you root for them, you want to be them.

So tell me, how do you tag this:

Is caring, yet often shows/does care in possibly obscure/ incomprehensible ways.
Is observant of others' feelings, yet never sugarcoats words or actions, in the hopes that hurting them now is better than hurting them later.

Is slow to blame, but is easily blamed.
Is slow to get angered, but is labeled short-fused.
Is quick to sacrifice, yet deemed selfish.
Is quick to forgive, yet deemed bitter.
Is quick to remember, yet easily forgotten.

Is full of morals, yet doesn't want to belong to any form of religion.
Is fond of doing good, yet avoids God to avoid rewards.

I'm sure it's nothing special, in fact I'm sure a majority of people are like this, who are unfortunately unnoticed for what goes on in the back. Me personally, I hope those people will stay like that. Working the stage is overrated, the stage is filled with masqueraders who unfortunately pass off as heroes as well. I've seen lots of those lately.

It's frustrating.

I see villains parade as heroes, skillfully hiding their ulterior motives. I see heroes who turn into villains, yet are forgiven once they "see the error of their ways."

If I was tagged either of these, at least I know what I'm expected to do. If I'm a hero, I'll do good, people would love me and good things will happen to me. If I'm a villain, I'll do evil, people would hate me and bad things will happen to me. But what of doing good and have people hate you? Or have bad things happen to you?

There is no greater pain that having your genuine kindness be overshadowed by a lie. It's like saying, "some people can never be heroes, whatever it is they try to do."

Here's a quick list, and these are all in a span of a week (and only those I remember right now):
- I am "the one who broke the fridge", even though I was the one who kept on maintaining it and was the one who asked to get it fixed just after. Also googling for half an hour trying to, if I could, fix it myself (to no avail)

- I am "the angry smartass", even though I only got angry cause they insisted on jump roping at 2 in the morning whilst shouting, with several people asleep on this floor (not to mention, I'm sure the lower floors can hear all that stomping)

- I am "the unhelpful guy", seconds after I helped with some designs.

There. All on-the-top-of-my-head stuff, and I just noticed these were in a span of 3 days.

So if you're like me and take life on like Batman does it, congrats! You just picked one of the hardest paths ever. I reward you the exclusive third tag: Anti-Hero (not quite hero, not quite villain. Couldn't think of a better one, honestly)
You will spread smiles, make people's days, help them out and even save their lives.
You will also be misunderstood, hated and forgotten.

Being called garbage if you slip up once after a 100 deeds is normal lately, and a lot of times I don't even get a kick out of job satisfaction. I dunno, maybe I was just built this way, built to last like this.

Maybe they're not evil, it's just they're unaware how much it hurts even if you playfully call you evil when you do something wrong once.

Not saying it's a bad way of life, not saying it's a good way of life.
Not saying someone/ something drove me to think like this.
it's just how I feel at the moment.

One of those, "Whatever you do is wrong" kind of things.

It's probably just me.

Still.